![]() You stay active in other parts of your life because you find it easier to “do” than to “connect.” You shut down the personal part of your relationship with the other person. Movement to task – To compensate for the lack of trust in the relationship, you may over-invest yourself in tasks related to hobbies, work, school, church, or other activities. Loneliness or feeling dead or frozen inside is common. You quit taking risks in the relationship because the safety net has been removed. Withdrawal – Instead of acting carefree, which is normal in a trusting relationship, you become more reserved in sharing personal information. John Townsend describes several common experiences of damaged trust: In his book, Beyond Boundaries – Learning to Trust Again in Relationships, Dr. When you can no longer be vulnerable with the other person, you begin to experience different things in your relationship. Trust is the cord that holds two people together in relationship, and when it’s severed, disconnection occurs. This act of self-preservation reduces your vulnerability, but also cements the state of distrust in the relationship. You put up walls in your relationship to prevent the other person getting close to you. Self-protection – As a result of the fear you experienced, you move into a state of self-protection. You have experienced repeated breaches of trust and have grown to distrust another person to the point you are afraid for your emotional well-being.ĥ. Fear – At this point in a relationship, distrust has risen to the point where you are afraid to show vulnerability. When dealing with someone you don’t quite trust, you may may experience nervousness, a rapid heartbeat, anger, a knotted stomach, or even disgust.Ĥ. Anxiety – The third stage of distrust is anxiety, a feeling of apprehension or uneasiness, that is often manifested physically. Your trust radar is telling you that something is wrong.ģ. You’ve started to see a pattern of behavior that may indicate a lack of trust, but you don’t quite have enough proof to make a firm conclusion. ![]() Suspicion – Doubt, if unresolved, grows into suspicion over time. It might be that nagging doubt in the back of your mind that you can’t seem to dismiss, or something just doesn’t feel right about the situation even though you can’t put your finger on it exactly.Ģ. You start to experience a slight uncertainty about someone’s trustworthiness that causes you to pause just a bit. ![]() Doubt – The first stage of distrust begins with doubt. It develops progressively through stages, and if we can recognize these stages when we’re in them, we have a chance of addressing the situation before distrust takes root.ġ. A broken promise here, a missed deadline there, and a pattern of unreliable, unethical, incompetent, or uncaring behavior becomes the trend.ĭistrust doesn’t happen overnight. In relationships where I’ve experienced distrust, I’ve found it usually isn’t caused by one significant breach of trust (although those are the ones that grab our immediate attention), but rather several smaller instances over time. If the other person proves to be untrustworthy, then I’ll dial back the level of trust I place in him/her. Under normal circumstances I tend to extend trust to others expecting they will reciprocate in kind.
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